Sunday, May 11, 2008

Dear Mom,

I’d like to take the time to publicly send you all my love today and to wish you all my best this Mother’s Day. I’m pretty sure everyone who reads this or knows anything about our family at all knows that we’ve passed through an unimaginably rough year in our now-very-public private lives. Most all of our family’s dirty laundry has been hung out on the line for all the neighbors and all the family and all the church to see, and it isn’t pretty. What made the humiliating spectacle even worse, though, is that at times I was the one spreading the dirt. I cursed you to your face, I screamed obscenities at home, and I spoke terrible things behind your back. I said that our relationship would never be the same, and I even imagined it would have been better if you had died. I did my best to heap up even more abuses and shame upon what was already a very publicly shameful situation. When all the other hypocrites were throwing rocks at you, I myself picked up the biggest stones and hurled them in self-righteous anger.

Throughout all my rage and betrayal, though, you constantly stayed my mom. When I wished you to leave home and drop off the planet, you said you still loved me. When I pleaded to God and you for a different and normal family, you said you’d always be there for me no matter how unnormal either of us ever got. When I rebelled, you showed me patience; when I threw a tantrum at things I couldn’t control, you again proved yourself the parent. With the very love of God you said to me and us all, “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Through everything you were steadfastly my mom, steadfastly looked out for me, and steadfastly welcomed me back to be your son.

Please, mom, forgive me for the way I treated you. I love you, and I’m sorry to you and the world and to God for what happened. I miss you incredibly now that I’m a full hemisphere away, and I really dream about the day when I’ll see you again. I’ve cried many times thinking of you since I’ve been here, and I pray for you every day. Words can’t describe your faithful love and all the good service you’ve rendered to me. You’re my only mom: you always will be, too, no matter what, and your faithfulness to me this past year has proven that. For these reasons and so many more I publicly rise up and bless you today and give you thanks for all your love and forgiveness. I value our friendship more than you’ll ever know.

Sincerely,

Jason

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I suppose no one commented as they waited with fearful anticipation as to my response! Jason, your blog for Mother's Day was probably the best thing I ever received in my 23 years of being a mother. Yes, this year has been the worst our family has experienced in the marshmallow world that we lived in up to that fateful night when my life was exposed before everyone. I would never change the intensity of my love for any reaction that my children threw my way because they were hurt or angry. I'm glad you didn't purchase a voodoo doll named Mom and I look forward to the day when we can have coffee at a kitchen table and chit chat like we always did. I thank God for you, your wisdom and insight.
Love,
Mom

Anonymous said...

Dear Jason,

As a rare visitor of your blog, unfamiliar with your family's "dirty laundry", but knowing that there's trouble on the home-front, I want to commend you for your honest confessions of your own faults while extending peace and forgiveness to your mom. My prayer for your family is the complete forgiveness and restoration that can be found in Christ alone, to Him first, and to each other.

Sincerely,
Valerie Csepe

BTW, this is more just a personal note than a comment I intended for posting, as I know that you screen all the comments anyway.