It was easy to come here: listless after university, seeking adventure, eager for foreign lands, Paraguay was a good and logical choice. Girls swooned, guys admired, people prayed.
Lord, increase my faith.
My family was a wreck, my college friends spread out across the globe, and the times were changing. I had no home. It was good for me to leave.
Lord, increase my faith.
It was cool to go abroad in an exercise of faith. God was calling me, I was listening and following. New difficulties came with new possibilities and new challenges with new graces. It was in style to be poor, a bohemian college graduate without anything and depending on the grace of God and others for everything. I was grown in faith to trust and to not value so much the things of this world.
Lord, increase my faith.
A year later, I’m packing up and getting ready to follow God again. This time, though, it’s to much more familiar lands, and this time it’s not so glorious. “Yeah, I come from Ohio,” I tell everyone here. “The most normal state in the United States.” People won’t be so impressed when I tell them I’m getting an office job. I’ll probably get crossed off several prayer lists a few weeks after my return.
Lord, increase my faith. .
My family is still a wreck, and after a year away there’s nowhere now where I can run away from the reality. “The divorce is December 9.” My friends are still all over the country, but now they have really cool jobs in elections and government agencies and national banks. They’ve found success, and I’ve found a pauper self to be self-conscious about.
Lord, increase my faith.
I’m going back to Ohio without a car, without a cellphone, without health insurance, and without a job. At one time I spurned these “things of the world,” but now they´re all looking pretty attractive as I start dealing with American reality. At one time I thought settling down in a place with friends and family was pretty boring, but now I envy those who have never moved out and have it mostly all figured out.
Lord, increase my faith.
A lot has changed the past year, and a lot will change this next year, too.
Lord, increase my faith.
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5 comments:
I love your honesty Jason. Remember, being dependent on God is the best place on earth that you can be! I am praying for you as you make all the adjustments and I know that God will increase your faith! Love, Lilly
I'll keep praying.
"I’ll probably get crossed off several prayer lists a few weeks after my return." - I understand the perspective...but hang in there. God will not abandon you, and your brothers and sisters will rally around you if you ask them to.
Divorce?
Obama for President!
Your experiences in Paraguay will forever flavor your future life. You wouldn't be human if you didn't wonder about the future. The important thing to remember is that you don't go it alone, for God holds your hand. "...your hand will guide me,your right hand will hold me fast." (Psalm 139:10) ...and no, we won't stop praying for you!
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